As time goes on I get increasingly more and more annoyed with being single. I am not sad, I am not depressed about it, I am simply annoyed.
I have been single for 3 years now. All of the posts and articles I read about dating and relationships seem to say the same things that make me increasingly annoyed. The tips, advice and claims in these posts are not wrong, they just seem to be increasingly inaccurate in my situation.
Some of the most common things I see about overcoming the ‘single blues’ are affirmations like ‘learn to love yourself first’, ‘put yourself out there more’, ’embrace your hobbies so you will be surrounded by people like you’, ‘understand that alone doesn’t have to mean lonely’ and ’embrace the freedom you have to travel and do whatever you want to enjoy this unique freedom’ BLAH BLAH BLAH.
These things annoy me because I have literally checked all of those things off and am still single and unhappy ..
I love myself. I think I am a smart, beautiful, capable and independent person. I constantly go out with friends to bars and group events where I meet a ton of new guys. Not only do I attend but I take full take charge of the ‘putting myself out there mentality’ where I will go up to a guy and talk to him if I think he is cute. I have joined volleyball clubs, one of my favourite hobbies surrounded by hot athletic men. I have relished in the time I have spent alone with a good book, or a great Netflix show and even just my thoughts .. and I have felt so happy and whole doing this. Last but far from least I have embraced my solo freedom with travel and spontaneity to do whatever I want, whenever I want.
After mastering all of these things I still feel supremely annoyed and unfulfilled.
Yes I love myself and that is good, but why can I not find someone who appreciates who I have grown to love and cherishes it. Getting dolled up for the possibility of meeting a guy on a night out is fun, but you know, getting dolled up for someone who will look at you and mean it when they tell you you are beautiful sounds more fun. Sharing a hobby and making it your fun night out with a guy sounds better than using something you love as a portal to meeting someone which you may possibly have to awkwardly see once a week if it doesn’t work out. Similarly, cherishing the time you have alone to read your favourite book or watch your favourite show is made a lot more special if it is not the constant reality you are living in. I could go on and on ..
For someone like me who is annoyed by these things, it puts you down in the dumps because you think to yourself … ‘alright I’m ready; I love myself, I know what I like and who I am and have great independence that someone will appreciate’. But it’s like, where is that someone. Why has mastering all of these things lead me no where. WHY am I still single.
Of course I meet a lot of guys, I talk to a lot of guys and am very hopefully that at least one of them will turn into something wonderful. But they don’t; and friends (especially friends in relationships) will tell you ‘you have to stop looking for it, thats when it will come’. Seriously ..
You’re telling me if you have been in a shit job for 3 years and know your dream job is out there you wouldn’t be looking for it after this amount of time? You would simply be waiting and letting ‘destiny’ find you? It is not so much that I am looking for it. It’s that at this point, I am in a perpetual state of ready for it. Every guy I meet triggers the ‘could this be my next boyfriend’ thought, because that is what I am ready for, and it is annoying.