Follow The Feeling

Today was a good day. The theme of my day was a reassurance to follow the feeling.

After I graduated I leaped into a sales job because of the flashy salary they offered to someone my age & all of the perks, development & culture they promised. They weren’t lying to me, I was making boat loads of money for someone my age & I was getting training & development & being introduced to a wicked culture. But once it came to that one year mark in working there, something within me changed.

If I were to describe myself in any way as a girl in university, it would be ‘extremely motivated but with no opportunity (yet). However, once I hit that one year mark in my sales job the way I described myself was ‘all the opportunity in the world (as most sales jobs offer) but no motivation’. I lacked motivation to hit numbers & quotas day in & day out. I felt like a robot; doing the same actions every single day with an autopilot mindset & soon enough, steam coming out of my hinges & screws falling out because I felt over worked. The flashy salary, development & culture was still there, it hadn’t changed, but I had. I started to hate feeling like a robot & being focused around quotas showing your worth in the company. I started to spiral within & outside of the company walls, I started to drink too much, party too much, do recreational drugs far too frequently & always “too busy with work” to pursue or consider an relationships. I felt like I was running on 50% battery for about another 6 months – both personally & professionally – & felt like I was literally running on a treadmill, going & going but not moving at all.

I knew I had reached an unhappy place when I would day dream a reality of waking up & not having to go into that office on a Monday morning. Literally smiling to myself when I thought about the work duties I could leave behind & some of the nuances I would never have to do again. Then, one night, I found myself awake until 4:00am. Not because I had a cup of coffee too late that afternoon, but because I let my mind follow a feeling.

When I first started this job they sent out a bio piece & one of the questions was “what was your dream job growing up?” I wrote “a bad ass writer like Carey Bradshaw”. I started to think about why I wrote that. I started to think about what my high school English teachers used to grade me as & say about my work. Flashes of ‘A’ & ‘A-” came into my head & red ink saying “Fantastic!” .. “Wonderfully written” .. and my favourite “Get an agent kid!” I loved English in school, I loved English & essays in University & I loved writing in the little spare time I had between work & spiralling into a bad place. So I let my mind continue to follow that feeling & I started to imagine where I could take this. I started to look at writing jobs in Toronto, titles of people in writing on LinkedIn & I got so excited about day dreaming of a job as a writer that I thought I needed to do something about this. For the first time in about 6 months, I started to feel my motivation coming back; I started to feel ‘extremely motivated with all the opportunity in the world’.

I had to follow that feeling & shortly after, I quit my job. I started this blog & I started looking for creative writing opportunities. My aunt worked in Radio all of her life & had strong connections so I asked her to introduce me to people in the Creative Writing department. I spoke to them & got them to look over my Radio Ad portfolio I created. Then next thing you know, a full time internship popped up at Corus Toronto for Technical Production & Media Content Development helping out 3 shows! I jumped at it & that is what my days are filled with right now. I spend one day a week in the studio listening & watching everyone record what I am helping create & the rest of the time I am working cozily from home creating content to blog about & updated social media platforms & websites for the station!

I went from making almost double what any of my entry level counter parts were making to being an unpaid intern that has to commute to Toronto, & I have never felt more happy.

I FOLLOWED THE FEELING & it was completely worth it. we need to listen to the feelings that overwhelm us with joy & follow them. My all time favourite quote (seriously, it is written on my make up mirror in Sharpie) is: If you can’t stop thinking about it, don’t stop working towards it!


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