Follow The Feeling

Today was a good day. The theme of my day was a reassurance to follow the feeling.

After I graduated I leapt into a sales job because of the flashy salary they offered to someone my age and all of the perks, development and culture they promised. They weren’t lying to me, I was making boat loads of money for someone my age and I was getting training and development and being introduced to a wicked culture. But once it came to that one year mark in working there, something within me changed.

If I were to describe myself in any way as a girl in university, it would be ‘extremely motivated but with no opportunity (yet)’. However, once I hit that one year mark in my sales job the way I described myself was ‘all the opportunity in the world but no motivation’. I lacked motivation to hit numbers and quotas day in and day out. I felt like a robot; doing the same actions every single day with an autopilot mindset and soon enough, screws falling loose because I felt over worked. The flashy salary, development & culture was still there, it hadn’t changed, but I had.

I started to hate feeling like a robot and being focused around quotas showing your worth in the company. I started to spiral within and outside of the company walls. I started to drink too much, party too much, do recreational drugs far too frequently and always “too busy with work” to pursue or consider a relationship. I felt like I was running on 50% battery for another 6 months – both personally and professionally. I felt like I was literally running on a treadmill, going and going but not moving at all.

I knew I had reached an unhappy place when I would day dream a reality of waking up and not having to go into that office on a Monday morning. Literally smiling to myself when I thought about the work duties I could leave behind and some of the nuances I would never have to do again. Then, one night, I found myself awake until 4:00am. Not because I had a cup of coffee too late that afternoon, but because I let my mind follow a feeling.

When I first started this job they sent out a bio piece and one of the questions was “what was your dream job growing up?” I wrote “a bad ass writer like Carey Bradshaw”. I started to think about why I wrote that. I started to think about what my high school English teachers used to grade me as and say about my work. Flashes of ‘A’ and ‘A-” came into my head and red ink saying “Fantastic!” .. “Wonderfully written” .. and my favourite “Get an agent kid!” I loved English in school, I loved English and essays in University and I loved writing in the little spare time I had between work and spiralling into a bad place. So I let my mind continue to follow that feeling and I started to imagine where I could take this. I started to look at writing jobs in Toronto, titles of people in writing on LinkedIn and I got so excited about day dreaming of a job as a writer that I thought I needed to do something about this. For the first time in about 6 months, I started to feel my motivation coming back; I started to feel ‘extremely motivated with all the opportunity in the world’.

I had to follow that feeling and shortly after, I quit my job. I started this blog and I started looking for creative writing opportunities. My aunt worked in Radio all of her life and had strong connections so I asked her to introduce me to people in the Creative Writing department. I spoke to them and got them to look over the Radio Ad portfolio I created. Then next thing you know, a full time internship popped up at Corus Toronto as Writer/Producer for a popular Talk Radio show! I jumped at it and that is what my days are filled with right now. I spend one day a week in the studio listening and watching everyone record what I am helping create and the rest of the time I am working cozily from home creating content to blog about and updating social media platforms and websites for the station!

I went from making almost double what any of my entry level counter parts were making to being an unpaid intern that has to commute to Toronto, and I have never felt more happy.

I FOLLOWED THE FEELING, and it was completely worth it. We need to listen to the feelings that overwhelm us with joy and follow them. My all time favourite quote (seriously, it is written on my make up mirror in Sharpie) is: If you can’t stop thinking about it, don’t stop working towards it!


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