Be Who You Needed When You Were Younger

We’ve all reflected on the confused, pimple-ridden teen we once were that was overly anxious about things that simply didn’t matter too much later in life and would eventually work themselves out. We worried about being popular, receiving invites to crowds we wanted to be a part of, being adored by our peers, and catching the eye of a boy we were awestruck from but who’s values we knew nothing about. All of these things seem trivial now and way below our maturity levels. We consumed ourselves in ‘keeping up with the jones” on frivolous, materialistic and socially acceptable things.

Now when we look back at our life, those concerns we had seem minuscule. Those friends we wanted wouldn’t have benefited us in the long run. That guy whose attention we wanted wouldn’t have given us the love we were searching for, because instead, we needed to learn to love ourself.

Now we have friends that benefit our experiences and self understanding. And we have learned our value and accept the person we have become. As we grow and evolve into different points in our life, reality changes, goals manifest and love presents itself in many forms. But do we really change from our confused and overly anxious selves? Later in life we will again reflect back on our less pimple-ridden faces now and probably think to ourselves “some of the things I stressed about didn’t really matter than much and all eventually worked itself out”. As much as we need to focus on the present, we also need to be the person we needed when we were younger, and experiencing the all-encompassing stressors of that point in our life. If we were to talk to teenage us, we would probably say: “Don’t join that crowd, those people wont accept you for you”. “Don’t worry about that guy, he’s already reached his peak in High School and wont be able to keep up with you in the future”. “Relax about the drama that surrounds you and pressures you into categories. Do what you want to do”

Wouldn’t it be great to have this perspective on our current life? Somebody to tell us: “Just because you are in your early twenties and don’t have a corporate job, doesn’t mean you are a nobody”. “That older guy you are heart broken about doesn’t really know what he wants and is getting in the way of your goals”. “This broke rut you’re in wont last forever and will actually grow you into a stronger, more driven person”.

At all points in our lives, our older selves would say “just step back and relax”. So why don’t we step back and look in the mirror right now on the pressures we are putting ourselves under and the concerns that are seemingly important, might not matter too much over all. We need to live a life that is enjoyable and true to ourselves, even if we don’t totally know who that is yet. Think about how unhappy you may have been at times in High School because you were worrying about all these things that don’t matter at all now. We need to do the same thing with our current age and be who we needed when we were younger.

Comment on the Hollywood Sexual Allegations Hot Topic

With all the buzz in the media right now, of course the sexual allegations conversation is going to come up. We all around seem to agree – sexual harassment in the workplace whether it be Hollywood or corporate is simply about power. Many people wince at the harsh reality some of these women have been facing and believe that no one should use their power to diminish someone else’s or make them feel like they do not have enough power to earn it themselves. The thought that a woman would owe a man sexually for what would have been a proud moment in her career is absurd. The more you think about it, it is not an issue simply between men and women. #MeToo is about one, men and women, two, about the power dynamic that is now being brought to our attention and three, about the abuse of power that we can no longer ignore. For so long women in the entertainment industry have been under the pressures of power and fear because of the men that are being exposed. Women have been hindered in climbing the career ladder on their own terms because movie executives, directors, co-stars etc had said ‘fine, if you don’t want to do x, y, z for this roll, I can open the door and there will be many other women willing to do what I want for a big break.’ But the ones that did do it for the part are viewed in fault of succumbing to these men and scrutinized that they ‘should have known better’. But since this power dynamic has always existed and the abuse of power has continually been used against women, there has not been much they could do about, until now. It is horrible and it is not what a lot of people think about before they blame the victim saying ‘you should have known better’. Not only did these women have to go through these awful situations but had to deal with the harsh reality of no guarantee after this sexual exchange.

Empathize with the gravity of the situation these women were in before you make a comment like ‘she should have known better’. Of course she knows better, she also knows it ends badly either way and it is her career she is passionate about … So what’s another poor sexual experience at this point.

 

Alpha Female

Ive always been described as strong-willed, opinionated, motivated and ambitious. These are admirable qualities; this is a person that gets shit done. But as soon as these personality traits come with a pair of boobs, its like people don’t exactly know what to think about you or think about themselves.

I look at every area of my life as ‘if I want something, I’ll find a way to get it’. If it’s material, I’ll wok harder to be able to buy it. If it’s emotional/professional, I’ll read books to learn/overcome it. These things are pretty standard and very justifiable and attainable for women today. Society is more supportive of bad a** b*tches in the corporate jungle, but they aren’t totally familiar with them in every aspect of life. This is where some people are perplexed by the attitude of an Alpha Female. Everyone preaches opportunity and equality for women, however pressures are still in place that condemn women to see rules where there are no rules: relationships.

When it comes to relationships, you bet I’ll ask him out if I’m interested. To me, one second of possible rejection is a lot less scary than waiting and wondering if I am sending him the right signals. If you want it, GET IT. Some of my friends say I want to be like you when I grow up (even though we’re the same age) basically meaning – I wish I had the guts to do that. It kind of makes me cringe with disappointment for a millasecond when I hear one of my friends say this to me. Instead, they play the usual game of wear my cutest outfit when he’s in the office, wait in misery if he doesn’t text me first, and ignore him for the first half of our night out and then start flirting when I notice him looking at me. That sounds EXHAUSTING to me.

How are these the ‘rules’ that women feel they should follow if all they really want is to be with this guy? These acts leave so much up to interpretation and assumption and timing and emotional turmoil if things don’t work out the way you are hoping them to. But you know how you CAN have them work out the way you want them to .. ASK HIM OUT. Own what you want. Pursue what you desire. Get what you deserve.

Girls, be more Alpha about your life. We’ve all seen a movie where a woman is a boss b*tch and is looking at brochures of artificial insemination because she was so busy being a boss she never had time to find a guy. Some of us have thought, I hope that never happens to me. If you don’t want it to, ask him out.

If you want something, find a way to get it.

 

The Basic Things I Love About Fall 🍂

So today I had a Pumpkin Spice Latte #basic. The first PSL of the season. Since I drank the basic potion I’m feeling in a mood to share all of the basic girl things I love about fall! K I’m going to stop saying basic so much .. it sounds weird.

Fashion:

  1. Plaid. In the fall time plaid goes from a fashion piece you associate with daisy dukes & cowboy music to an oversized top you put on with most likely leggings & some sort of sneaker or high boot. Plaid changes its game in fall & goes from tied at the waist in the bar to casual & cozy on the street (just like how 400 other girls are wearing this with white converse) #basic
  2. Open toe booties. Fall is a magical time that shares a few weeks with us girls where it is cool enough to wear a bootie but warm enough to have an open toe. Thank god that August pedicure can still shine while I slay my way to fashion headquarters #basic
  3. Scarves. Basically my Pokemon of fall fashion pieces, I gotta catch em all. & trust me I’ve got ’em all, infinity, flannel, oversized, with tassels & multiple patterns. That chunky knit sweater with leggings, knee high boots & an oversized tartan scarf look; yeah you’ll find me wearing that all fall long with a smile on my face realizing how Pinterest ‘Fall Fashion’ basic I am #basic
  4. Sweater dresses. Finally! Finally its cool enough to switch your dresses into sweater form & still feel so stylish while doing anything but with a comfy, hipster chic twist. You will spot me in my fleekin sweater dress most likely with my open toe booties & flannel scarf .. #basic.
  5. Jean jacket. If anyone has seen me do anything in weather below 20 degrees, they’ve probably seen me do it in my jean jacket. This thing is my favourite item to wear if I find any breeze too cold. Im talking pants, dress & skirts .. & my night on the town outfits are made even more basic because I am wearing a jean jacket over a Mendocino dress #basic
  6. Burgundy. If Fall had a flag, it would be Burgundy, with a PSL crest in the middle. Burgundy is the anthem to my fall make up colour scheme & Sephora splurges. Burgundy everything makes fall so much better #basic

Food:

  1. Pumpkin Spice Lattes … obviously.
  2. Spaghetti squash & Butternut squash. You know the weird looking long ass vegetable things people use as decoration in a wicker basket during Fall. Some of those can be eaten too! Hello people. If you have not had either of these, you are not Fall-ing hard enough. Falling in love with Fall, that is 😉 Omg I’m so lame. But for real, I have not had a Thanksgiving meal in my lifetime that did not consist of both butternut squash soup & spaghetti squash along side my turkey. I love this shit in Fall #basic
  3. Teas & Hot Chocolate. It’s finally getting cool enough that I crave hot drinks all the time. 95% of the tea I consume in a year is during the Fall & something about a cold Autumn night makes me crave hot chocolate & cozy socks, those two things just go. Goodbye grande caramel machiatto – no whip, hello grande chai tea latte with almond milk #basic
  4. Chili. Unless you’re cray cray like me & request a pot of mom’s homemade chili in the middle of July (true story), then you probably feel more inclined for this comfort food during Fall. But even though I crave the goodness all year round, I love it most in fall. This is probably my least basic love yet, but I make it basic because I have to snapchat that I’m eating chili in Fall to my story #basic

Everything Else:

  1. The strange calm you feel listening to the wind blow between the stiff Fall leaves that have changed into the prettiest colours. #prettybasicbecauseduhthatsthefirstsignoffall
  2. Fires at night. These were always fun in the summer, but now it is just a tad colder at night so everyone gets a little closer. You share a blanket with your best friend in the backyard (which is most likely your oversized tartan scarf) & start to be reminded that we live in Canada & secretly love the outdoors & actually cant wait to see snow #basicEH
  3. Picturesque AF. Dude, you’re telling me you don’t wear your cutest ensemble & burgundy lipstick to go to the pumpkin patch to take cute laughing photos? Clearly you’ve never done fall like I have #basic
  4. Decorating pumpkins. I’m not much of a cutter since I can work a marker better than I can work a knife (lets be thankful for that). So I like to draw on the best pumpkin I picked at the patch with a scary face I found on google. Then I pull a lazy college girl move & leave it faceless on my front porch until the evening of Halloween & feel bummed the next morning that I spent $11.99 on a pumpkin that got 4 hours of glory #basic

Those are a few of my favourite things .. about being basic during Fall 🙂

Follow The Feeling

Today was a good day. The theme of my day was a reassurance to follow the feeling.

After I graduated I leapt into a sales job because of the flashy salary they offered to someone my age and all of the perks, development and culture they promised. They weren’t lying to me, I was making boat loads of money for someone my age and I was getting training and development and being introduced to a wicked culture. But once it came to that one year mark in working there, something within me changed.

If I were to describe myself in any way as a girl in university, it would be ‘extremely motivated but with no opportunity (yet)’. However, once I hit that one year mark in my sales job the way I described myself was ‘all the opportunity in the world but no motivation’. I lacked motivation to hit numbers and quotas day in and day out. I felt like a robot; doing the same actions every single day with an autopilot mindset and soon enough, screws falling loose because I felt over worked. The flashy salary, development & culture was still there, it hadn’t changed, but I had.

I started to hate feeling like a robot and being focused around quotas showing your worth in the company. I started to spiral within and outside of the company walls. I started to drink too much, party too much, do recreational drugs far too frequently and always “too busy with work” to pursue or consider a relationship. I felt like I was running on 50% battery for another 6 months – both personally and professionally. I felt like I was literally running on a treadmill, going and going but not moving at all.

I knew I had reached an unhappy place when I would day dream a reality of waking up and not having to go into that office on a Monday morning. Literally smiling to myself when I thought about the work duties I could leave behind and some of the nuances I would never have to do again. Then, one night, I found myself awake until 4:00am. Not because I had a cup of coffee too late that afternoon, but because I let my mind follow a feeling.

When I first started this job they sent out a bio piece and one of the questions was “what was your dream job growing up?” I wrote “a bad ass writer like Carey Bradshaw”. I started to think about why I wrote that. I started to think about what my high school English teachers used to grade me as and say about my work. Flashes of ‘A’ and ‘A-” came into my head and red ink saying “Fantastic!” .. “Wonderfully written” .. and my favourite “Get an agent kid!” I loved English in school, I loved English and essays in University and I loved writing in the little spare time I had between work and spiralling into a bad place. So I let my mind continue to follow that feeling and I started to imagine where I could take this. I started to look at writing jobs in Toronto, titles of people in writing on LinkedIn and I got so excited about day dreaming of a job as a writer that I thought I needed to do something about this. For the first time in about 6 months, I started to feel my motivation coming back; I started to feel ‘extremely motivated with all the opportunity in the world’.

I had to follow that feeling and shortly after, I quit my job. I started this blog and I started looking for creative writing opportunities. My aunt worked in Radio all of her life and had strong connections so I asked her to introduce me to people in the Creative Writing department. I spoke to them and got them to look over the Radio Ad portfolio I created. Then next thing you know, a full time internship popped up at Corus Toronto as Writer/Producer for a popular Talk Radio show! I jumped at it and that is what my days are filled with right now. I spend one day a week in the studio listening and watching everyone record what I am helping create and the rest of the time I am working cozily from home creating content to blog about and updating social media platforms and websites for the station!

I went from making almost double what any of my entry level counter parts were making to being an unpaid intern that has to commute to Toronto, and I have never felt more happy.

I FOLLOWED THE FEELING, and it was completely worth it. We need to listen to the feelings that overwhelm us with joy and follow them. My all time favourite quote (seriously, it is written on my make up mirror in Sharpie) is: If you can’t stop thinking about it, don’t stop working towards it!

FOLLOW THE FEELING EVERYONE 🙂

When you’re feeling uninspired & uncreative

“Everything sucks, some of the time.” You just have to decide what sort of suckage you’re willing to deal with. So the question is not so much “what are you passionate about?” The question is “what are you passionate enough about that you can endure the most disagreeable aspects of the work?” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert & Mark Manson

These words set off a classic choir symphony of “aaaahhhhhhh” in my head when I read them. My last post was 20 days ago. TWENTY. DAYS. That is a long time to be uncreative & to be away from this space. This space that is mine, to create whatever I want, that I paid for to pursue & indulge in my so called passions.

If writing is my passion – which I know it is, because there is this hum of happiness inside me & joy I feel when I hear my fingers clicking at the keyboard – then why haven’t I been able to get myself to write a post in 20 days!? Why have I denied myself the hum & joy of expressing myself.

I’ll tell you why. With “bloggers/blogging” becoming a sensational worldwide occupation for creative people to start their own businesses by being so popular, relevant, topical & therefore successful, I find it puts a lot of pressure on you to tell a unique story that blows up because it is transferrable to what others are feeling as well. I have built up inside my head that these posts have to mean something or relate to someone other than me. If I am going to be a blogger, I have to blog about something people will want to read about. That being said, human experience is human experience; & I think I may be distancing myself from that. I keep feeling like “oh I won’t blog today because I have nothing to write about, I am not feeling anything significant enough.” Meanwhile, I know that 100+ thoughts have gone through my head that day that are current, topical & human for a 23 year old girl to feel. Truthfully, I think more bizarre & share-worthy things happen to me on a daily basis than most people. In the past 72 hours for example, I have told people about a crazy scenario that happened to me when I went to 2 bars that ended up being closed on Friday night (how often does that happen), the shitty relationship I’ve been dealing with for the past month & the “accident” I got into this morning (me vs. school bus) with back to school starting. My life is not dull – it is very far from dull. But still, I have not given myself happiness & joy in writing about what I consider daily occurrences in my bad luck lifestyle because I’ve felt they weren’t significant enough to other people to write about.

But that is why the words of Mark Mason in Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, “what are you passionate enough about” really hit me. I am passionate enough about writing that I want to do it often but I was letting the “most disagreeable aspects of the work” – being uninspired & uncreative – get the best of me. I am passionate about writing because I love to write & I am going to make this blog as simple as that. I will write every day from here on out & I won’t worry about who my story or perspective is impacting, because I know someone else out there has just as bad luck & positive thoughts as I do (or at least someone will get a kick out of it). I don’t need to be inspirational or giving advice or thinking of the big picture for now. I need to do what I love because I love doing it & that is what I am passionate enough about that I can endure the most disagreeable aspects of the work. I will create to create & I will be inspired by the simple act of hearing my fingers click against the keyboard & feeling happiness in sharing my simple stories.

 

I’m a Writer

“As a writer, whether it be novels, non fiction or song writing, the only thing I really do is make jewellery for the inside of people’s minds. Writing music & writing stories is nothing more than decoration for the imagination. Intracranial jewellery is a wonderful profession” – Elizabeth Gilbert & Tom Waits